Liberal Girl by 10 Pound Test
The other day I was out fishin' and my buddy said to me
"Hey, in case you hadn't noticed, you done turned 43,
Are you ever gonna find a good woman, and settle down?"
Well, it's not from lack of tryin' that I'm still a bachelor
It's all the wasted time that's got me askin' "what for?"
And thinkin' the elusive Miss Right will never be found.
I've been to the gym, to Church, to the bars
I've clicked on every website between Idaho and Mars,
Dated lots and lots of women, but you know, they all seem the same.
If I had a dollar for each dingbat I'd met, I'd be Don Trump
But that's not the big reason for this Lotharian slump
It's our dumbed-down TV society that I blame.
(Chorus)
I could never settle down with a liberal girl
One that thinks we came from monkeys and the Big Bang made the world
Always yappin', gums a-flappin', global warming
Man, it makes me wanna hurl.
Any girl I'd ever think about askin' to be mine's
Gotta have her head on straight, gotta have it on the line
She's gotta love the USA, not be a "citizen of the world".
Don't want no liberal girl.
So my buddy said to me, "man, you're views have gotta change,
I've never met no one who thinks like you, it's really kinda strange.
Is it really that important for your woman to share your outlook on life?"
Well, I've never dealt well with abject stupidity
And that's the key ingredient in liberalism, doncha see?
I'd probably jump off a cliff if I had a whiny liberal wife.
"Buy the twisty light bulbs...they use less 'lectricity."
Did ya ever stop to think they also have more mercury?
You're always cryin' 'bout how it pollutes rivers and lakes.
"The undocumented only take the jobs that we won't do."
Yeah, they're fillin' up our hospitals, schools and prisons, too.
There's a legal way to come here...you don't like it, tough, that's the breaks!
I could never settle down with a liberal girl
One that thinks we came from monkeys and the Big Bang made the world
Always yappin, gums a-flappin', gun control
Man, it makes me wanna hurl!
Any girl I'd ever think about askin' to be mine's
Gotta have her head on straight, gotta have it on the line
She's gotta love the USA, not be a "citizen of the world".
Don't want no liberal girl.
(Guitar solo)
So my buddy finally said he that he guessed he understood
But he hoped that I was happy with confirmed bachelorhood.
'Cause the way I was goin' he doubted I'd ever find a mate.
Well, if I was like most guys I'd be a-changin' my ways
Like a mouse lookin' for a piece of cheese in a maze.
Sellin' out your principles, man, what a horrible fate!
"No one but the police should be allowed to have guns."
Yeah, just leave us to the whims of ever crook under the Sun
Besides, it's not the Bill of Needs, it's the Bill of Rights.
"If two people wanna marry, doesn't matter if they're gay."
Marriage means one man, one woman and there's no other way.
But when I tell her anything, she's like a deer caught in headlights.
So do ya see why...
I could never settle down with a liberal girl
One that thinks we came from monkeys and the Big Bang made the world
Always yappin, gums a-flappin', homo marriage
Man, it makes me wanna hurl!
Any girl I'd ever think about askin' to be mine's
Gotta have her head on straight, gotta have it on the line
She's gotta love the USA, not be a "citizen of the world".
Don't want no liberal girl.
copyright 2008
